its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
