im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
