you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
