I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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