too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
