Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
