Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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