i just google imaged poop.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
