Already got asked if we're dating
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
