I hate your face
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
