the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
