Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
