I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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