she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
