I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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