Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
