i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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