I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
