it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
