I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
