I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
