I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
