so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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