she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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