I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
