How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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