i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
