One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize