she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
