I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
