Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
