The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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