He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
