1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
