i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
