Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
