i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
