Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
