You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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