You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
