he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
