My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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