i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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