So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
