god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
