yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
