She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
