you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
is it fun? or sober?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
