I am full of burrito and curiosity
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
