Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
