i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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