Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it hurts more in the daytime
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize