first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
