Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
