we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
FUCK WHALES
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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