it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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