birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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