i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
