Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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