He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize