i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
babies were throwing up all over the place
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
