I am in a vortex of obligation.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
