why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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