If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize