Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was confusing and full of hummus
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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