Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize