My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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